me half the time: i'm so insecure and so ugly ew
me the other half the time: i'm flawless don't touch me peasant
There was an episode, one of my favorite moments in Star Trek, when Captain Kirk...– Hugh Laurie (via thiscoffeedrenchedlife)
My philosophy on life
we had a pan of bacon grease on the stove left over from breakfast this morning and tonight nate heated it up and fried hotdogs in it for a midnight snack for us. i made fun of how disgusting/fat he was being the whole time he was cooking them but when i took that first bite i think i saw jesus
i’m home alone (well i mean my dog is here so am i ever really alone) because i thought i’d be hanging out with my boyfrand but he made friend plans that he invited me to but i was too grouchy and tired and blughhghg to go and so i was like sitting around watching hgtv feeling sorry for myself and then i was like wait a second what am i doing the internet is a thing so then i got...
what if Oprah was your mom
me: hi mom good morning
Oprah: hi sweety I made you breakfast!
me: oh thanks mom where is i-..
Oprah: LOOK UNDER YOUR CHAIR!!!!!!!